Understanding these three months of absence may lean one towards a fill-in-the-blanks post, I instead swayed towards the fun of this evening and to share the rawness of me in this turmoil of sadness, self-doubt and personal hatred. I want this as a posting of gratitude for the feminine strength in so many things and for a small listing of phrases I captured.
My loathe never inhibits my wish to still give smiles…and with regards to finally writing again I have actually written two really good pieces on SLV history and social happenings in the SLV since dad died, but I did not push them through to here yet. In the published world though, my editor printed several of my pieces including (to my surprise) an unedited placement on the front newspaper page about the BC Brewery fire (with how I wrote the article I thought sure it would get lambasted by the exclusion process that writer’s lament in journalism)…I hope readers got something from it.
Tonight was about finding inspiration through souls known and unknown to hopefully help me get out of this funk that has enveloped me since January. The Cremer House once again proved to the Valley and to me how packed and fun a social center can be on a Saturday night, without the dive feel or career inebriates. One of the bartenders, who we will call Hannah Rose for this piece, came right out with this phrase that helped spurn all of my writing after I told her I was looking for ideas: “I like listening, I just can’t hear.” Obviously the context was meant in that moment – but then I thought how perfectly that sums up so many miscommunications in daily life – whether in relationships or friendships or even at work. Before she would tell me her name – her now seeing I was a writing – she said to just call her “the really cute girl”. I loved that she said it in such a way that you knew she was not being egotistical or vain – she was just saying something nice about herself but in a believable way. I thought how amazing that would be if we could all find something nice to say about ourselves to strangers when asked. Yet with how much loathe I have felt about myself lately with the recent loss of things both in family and in heart – I am not sure that I could be as generous to me. But the repeated words of the two feminine healers in my life that I respect so deeply in this realm (Hannah and Charmian), ring in my head again and again about self-worth and how amazing I reportedly am, or could be anyway.
As a wonderful friend wandered into the Cremer for her first time, she found the only empty bar stool was right next to me. Julie writes also and I gained her acquaintance through Charmian; they both being talented fire dancers these five years prior. Be sure to check her great drinking adventures at The Happy Hour Blog . Something I have always loved is telling people about something they are unfamiliar with in the SLV; whether it be fun adventures, great food or in this case – drinking possibilities. I only imbibe upon the Kombuchas when writing here but I found ways to parlay some fun ideas her way, myself having tried the nitro tapped items on the menu months before. Her humor has always made me smile – and after she had tried several brews the next quote happened for me from her: “It all tastes good now.” She made me aware without even trying that possibly, just maybe – after having enough hard lessons about love and loss in life, it all seems good now.
The topic of age arrived as I shared with her my years of writing bits about the dating and social scene in the SLV, where immediately our next phrase of interest arrived (of which I also hope to read about on her blog): “The double nickel equals a perfect 10”. If I could trademark that phrase for all the ladies turning 55, I bet you I could make a few cents…or sense to a few. Speaking of age in the opposite direction – I watched Taylor Rae perform last week – and she is one of those talents you just know will be on the Billboard charts someday…her voice is like nothing I have heard from our little Valley…and she works at the Cremer House. I pointed her out to Julie and said there is another feminine powerhouse to reckon the world with. This is a pic I took of her while she sang a beautifully sad song at Casa Nostra last week.
I had already picked a few gorgeous roses from my garden in the hopes of imparting some joy upon a lucky few tonight. Hannah, Julie and her partner-in-blog were recipients of those beauties that bring a smile to many a lady every day. Some ladies who don’t know me have looked suspiciously upon their gift in past pay-it-forward-givings – but I always clear the air immediately as being a non-threat…and in this case it was simple as I let Hannah Rose know I am way too old for that “really cute girl”, and that a rose is just a rose for a Rose. This pic is of Hannah entertaining the crowd…
Thank you ladies for a fun evening, and especially to Julie for listening to my learning curve stories of choosing my closest friend in this world to be that who was my beloved; Charmian.
I stopped at Masood’s to say hello to that property baron and storyteller, he always manages to get a smile out of me with his dry humor and latest events at Burger 9. I ran into a former fire department intern of mine there, with whom I spent numerous hours teaching skillsets and values a decade previous and he shared with me his feelings about those days. The internship was something I held and still value so deeply for what it gives to the SLV in terms of young men and women becoming amazing and enduring public servants. Most people will never know the depths of how much that one program (these last twenty years) has done for the quality of life here in our little area. Thank you Mr. Hill – your words inspired me to feel good about myself in those days again. My reward to you – a pic you probably didn’t even know existed of your training a decade ago at Redwood Elementary…with all sincerity: you are welcome.
Finishing the night at Joe’s where I say my usual quick hellos and to usually skip the beer – always yearning for a glimmer of meaningful conversation amongst the masses that may recognize me though. Karin Ann has done an amazing job running and owning that bar with her hubby and I see strength in her I will never have. She has been so amazing to my mom and to me through this time we have known her. I stop usually just to say hi to her and extend my hope for a new and different beer that never arrives– which though lo and behold she surprised me this week and had a new brand – I was ecstatic. The live music plays too loud for me so I typically wait outside until there is a break – which can be challenging as either the smoking groups make me ill or one of the town’s undesirables who also loathes me will be loitering there…like tonight in both cases.
At the break I bolted in to say hi to Shawna and her friend L’Anja (beautiful name to which I had not heard in my 40+ years until now). Have always appreciated your honesty in our talks Shawna; your post-Hawaii glow was obvious – please return there many times!
I did smile quite a bit tonight, still feeling the long-term lingering affects of the palsy and sadness…but I hope to be writing more and sharing what I learn about this social scene in the SLV, both in the dating realms and elsewhere.